Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa beans, and all beans are a vegetable?
Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?
Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?
Why do you go “back and forth” to town if you really must go forth before you go back?
Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?
Why can't you get a tan on your palms?
Why do dogs sniff other dog’s bottoms to say hello, why don’t they just bark in their face or something?
Why do companies offer you "free gifts?" Since when has a gift NOT been free?
Why is a square meal served on round plates?
Why is the 0 on a phone after 1 and not before 1?
Which way does a compass point in space?
Why are people allowed to put naked statues outside but why can't we run outside naked?
Why do all superheroes wear spandex?
If mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?
Why did Mary own a little lamb?
If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money?
Why can’t a baby cry while it’s inside its mother?
If the president were gay, would his husband be the first man?
Why are Pringles curved?
Why aren't safety pins as safe as they say they are?
If overalls are held up by the snaps at the top, then why do they have belt loops?
Why is it that its good to score under par in golf but its bad to be “under par” in any thing else?
Why do people say, "You can't have your cake and eat it too"? Why would someone get cake if they can't eat it?
Can bald men get lice??
How come popcorn isn't a vegetable?
Do movie producers still say lights, camera, and action when it is a dark scene?
Did Noah have woodpeckers on the ark? If he did, where did he keep them?
Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are both the same number of letters?
Why is snow white and ice clear? Aren't they just different forms of water?
Why do they put the names of football teams on baseball caps?
If I had my legs amputated, would I have to change my height and weight on my driver's license?
How come you pay an extra 25 cents to get something put on your hamburger but they don't take off the price if you get something taken off?
Can you get cornered in a round room?
If you don't pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
Why is it that when babies are born they only weigh like 7 lbs yet the mom weighs 30 lbs more?
Is sign language the same in languages other than English?
Why is "number" abbreviated as "no"? When there is no "o" in number?
Why do they call the small candy bars the "fun sizes"? Wouldn't be more fun toeat a big one?
Who gets to keep the pennies in a wishing well?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
When a boy is named after his dad, he is called 'Junior,' but what do you call a girl that is named after her mother?
Can you cry under water?
Why do you DELETE something on the computer, but ERASE something on paper?
If the S.W.A.T team comes to your house and breaks down your door, do they replace it later?
Do stuttering people stutter when they're thinking to themselves?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
How come you can kill a deer and put it on your wall but it's illegal to keep them as a pet?
Are children who use sign language allowed to talk with their mouth full?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
Why do people say, "you've been working like a dog" when dogs just sit around all day?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Can you blow a balloon up under water?
Does it really count in court when an atheist is sworn in under oath using a Bible?
If you were born exactly on 12:00 midnight on December 31st – January 1st, which year would you say you were born in?
If marriage means you fell in love, does divorce mean you climbed out?
Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed?
When you see the weather report and it says "partly cloudy" and then the next day it says "partly sunny"; what’s the difference?
What happens when you say “hi” to your friend on an airplane who's name is Jack?
Funny Thoughts
When people say, "I’m so tired it's not even funny" or "my head hurts so much it's not even funny", why would it even be funny in the first place?
Do stairs go up or down?
If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit?
Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?
Can you make a candle out of your earwax?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?
Why does "lake" come first (Lake Michigan) and "river" come second (Mississippi River)?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
What would happen if: Everyone was to flush their toilet at the same time?
If you died on the International Dateline, and half of you were on 1 side and the other half on the other side, what day would you die?
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
USEFUL AT WORK.
1. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
2. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
3. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
4. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
5. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
6. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
7. What am I? Flypaper for freaks !?
8. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
9. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
10. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
11. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
12. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
13. No, my powers can only be used for good.
14. How about never? Is never good for you ?
15. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
16. You sound reasonable... Time to up my medication.
17. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
18. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
19. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
20. Who me? I just wander from room to room.
21. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!
22. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
23. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
24. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
25. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
26. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
2. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
3. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
4. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
5. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
6. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
7. What am I? Flypaper for freaks !?
8. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
9. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
10. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
11. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
12. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
13. No, my powers can only be used for good.
14. How about never? Is never good for you ?
15. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
16. You sound reasonable... Time to up my medication.
17. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
18. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
19. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
20. Who me? I just wander from room to room.
21. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!
22. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
23. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
24. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
25. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
26. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
Monday, December 18, 2006
GIFT
GIFT
There was a blind girl who hated herself just because she was blind.
She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her.
She said that if she could only see the world, she would marry her boyfriend.
One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her and then she saw everything, including her boyfriend.
Her boyfriend asked her," now that you can see the world, will you marry me?"
The girl was shocked when she saw that her boyfriend is blind too, and refused to marry
him.
Her boyfriend walked away in tears, and later wrote a letter to her Saying,
"Just take care of my eyes dear."
This is how human brain changes when our status changes. Only few remember what life
was before, and who's always been there even in the most painful situations.
"GIFT"
There was a blind girl who hated herself just because she was blind.
She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her.
She said that if she could only see the world, she would marry her boyfriend.
One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her and then she saw everything, including her boyfriend.
Her boyfriend asked her," now that you can see the world, will you marry me?"
The girl was shocked when she saw that her boyfriend is blind too, and refused to marry
him.
Her boyfriend walked away in tears, and later wrote a letter to her Saying,
"Just take care of my eyes dear."
This is how human brain changes when our status changes. Only few remember what life
was before, and who's always been there even in the most painful situations.
"GIFT"
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
MURPHY'S OTHER LAWS
Murphy's Other Laws
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
The shin bone is a device for finding furniture.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
The shin bone is a device for finding furniture.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
Bright future For This Chap. / Tooooo Good
First-grade teacher, Ms Neelam (Age 28) was having trouble with one of her students the teacher asked,"Boy. what is your problem?" Boy. answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too! "Ms Neelam had enough. She took Boy. to the principal's office. While Boy. waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed. Boy. was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreedto take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Boy.: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Boy.: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Neelam and tells her, "I think Boy can go to the third-grade.
"Ms Neelam says to the principal, "I have some of my own questions. Can I ask him ?" The principal and Boy. both agree.Ms Neelam asks! ,
"What does a cow have four of that I have only two of? Boy., after a moment "Legs."
Ms Nee lam: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" Boy.: "Pockets."
Ms Neelam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid? Boy.: Coconut
Ms Neelam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer,Boy. was taking charge. Boy.: Bubblegum
Ms Neelam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting downand a dog does on three legs? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...Boy.: Shake hands
Ms Neelam: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?Boy.: Yep.
Ms Neelam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.Boy.: Tent
Ms Neelam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored.The best man always has me first.The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg. Boy.: Wedding Ring
Ms Neelam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blowme, you feel good.Boy.: Nose
Ms Neelam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with aquiver.Boy.: Arrow
Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?Boy.: Firetruck
Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u dont get it u have to use ur hand. Boy.: Fork
Ms Neelam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?Boy.: SURNAME
Ms Neelam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?Boy.: HEART.
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, "Send this Boy to IIM Ahmedabad, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!"
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Boy.: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Boy.: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Neelam and tells her, "I think Boy can go to the third-grade.
"Ms Neelam says to the principal, "I have some of my own questions. Can I ask him ?" The principal and Boy. both agree.Ms Neelam asks! ,
"What does a cow have four of that I have only two of? Boy., after a moment "Legs."
Ms Nee lam: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" Boy.: "Pockets."
Ms Neelam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid? Boy.: Coconut
Ms Neelam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer,Boy. was taking charge. Boy.: Bubblegum
Ms Neelam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting downand a dog does on three legs? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...Boy.: Shake hands
Ms Neelam: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?Boy.: Yep.
Ms Neelam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.Boy.: Tent
Ms Neelam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored.The best man always has me first.The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg. Boy.: Wedding Ring
Ms Neelam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blowme, you feel good.Boy.: Nose
Ms Neelam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with aquiver.Boy.: Arrow
Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?Boy.: Firetruck
Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u dont get it u have to use ur hand. Boy.: Fork
Ms Neelam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?Boy.: SURNAME
Ms Neelam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?Boy.: HEART.
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, "Send this Boy to IIM Ahmedabad, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!"
Friday, December 01, 2006
EDUCATIVE MAIL FOR ALL WOMEN.
Gotta love this one!!!!!
A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by aparticularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for acouple of dollars for dinner.
The woman took out her wallet, extracted ten dollarsand asked,
"If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with itinstead of dinner?
""No," I had to stop drinking years ago, the homeless woman replied.
"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" the woman asked.
"No," I don't waste time shopping, the homeless woman said."I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.
""Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" the woman asked."
Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman."I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!
""Well," said the woman, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going t o take you out for dinner with my husband and myself tonight. The homeless Woman was astounded.
"Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."The woman replied,
"That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments and wine."
A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by aparticularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for acouple of dollars for dinner.
The woman took out her wallet, extracted ten dollarsand asked,
"If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with itinstead of dinner?
""No," I had to stop drinking years ago, the homeless woman replied.
"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" the woman asked.
"No," I don't waste time shopping, the homeless woman said."I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.
""Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" the woman asked."
Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman."I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!
""Well," said the woman, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going t o take you out for dinner with my husband and myself tonight. The homeless Woman was astounded.
"Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."The woman replied,
"That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments and wine."
GOOD OLD DAYS
Good old days!!!!!
When gulli-danda and kanche (marbles) were more popular than cricket..
When we always had friends to play aais-paais (I Spy),chhepan-chhepaiand pitthoo anytime .
When we desperately waited for 'yeh jo hai jindagi'..
When chitrahaar, vikram-baitaal, dada daadi ki kahaniyaan were sofulfilling .
When there was just one tv in every five houses and When bisleris were not sold in the trains and we were worrying if papas will get back into the train in time or not when they were getting downat stations to fill up the water bottle ..
When we were going to bed by 9.00 pm sharp except for the 'yeh jo haijindagi' day ..
When Holis & Diwalis meant mostly hand-made pakwaans and sweets and moms seeking our help while preparing them .
When Maths teachers were not worried of our mummys and papas while slapping /beating us ..
When we were exchanging comics and stamps and chacha-chaudaris and billus were our heroes ...
When we were in nanihaals every summer and loved flying kites and plucking and eating unripe mangoes and leechis ..
When one movie every Sunday evening on television was more than asked for and 'ek do teen chaar' and 'Rajni' inspired us .
When 50 paisa meant at least 10 toffees ...
When left over pages of the last years notebooks were used for rough work or even fair work .
When 'chelpark' and 'natraaj' were encouraged against 'reynolds and family' ..
When the first rain meant getting drenched and playing in water and mudand making 'kaagaj ki kishtis' ...
When there were no phones to tell friends that we will be at their homes at six in the evening .
When our parents always had 15 paise blue colored 'antardesis' and 5 paise machli wale stamps at home
When we remembered tens of jokes and were not finding 'ice-cream and papa' type jokes foolish enough to stop us from laughing ..
When we were not seeing patakhes on Diwalis and gulaals on Holis as air and noise polluting or allergic agents ...the list can be endless ..on the serious note I would like to summarise with .
When we were using our hearts more than our brains, even for scientifically brainy activities like 'thinking' and 'deciding' .
When we were crying and laughing more often, more openly and more sincerily .
When we were enjoying our present more than worrying about our future.When being emotional was not synonymous to being weak .
When sharing worries and happinesses didnt mean getting vulnerable to the listener .
When blacks and whites were the favourite colors instead of greys .
When journeys also were important and not just the destinations .
When life was a passenger's sleeper giving enough time and opportunityto enjoy the sceneries from its open and transparent glass windows instead of some superfast's second ac with its curtained, closed and dark windows ...
I really miss . do u?, if u do then please send this to all your friendsand loved ones.
When gulli-danda and kanche (marbles) were more popular than cricket..
When we always had friends to play aais-paais (I Spy),chhepan-chhepaiand pitthoo anytime .
When we desperately waited for 'yeh jo hai jindagi'..
When chitrahaar, vikram-baitaal, dada daadi ki kahaniyaan were sofulfilling .
When there was just one tv in every five houses and When bisleris were not sold in the trains and we were worrying if papas will get back into the train in time or not when they were getting downat stations to fill up the water bottle ..
When we were going to bed by 9.00 pm sharp except for the 'yeh jo haijindagi' day ..
When Holis & Diwalis meant mostly hand-made pakwaans and sweets and moms seeking our help while preparing them .
When Maths teachers were not worried of our mummys and papas while slapping /beating us ..
When we were exchanging comics and stamps and chacha-chaudaris and billus were our heroes ...
When we were in nanihaals every summer and loved flying kites and plucking and eating unripe mangoes and leechis ..
When one movie every Sunday evening on television was more than asked for and 'ek do teen chaar' and 'Rajni' inspired us .
When 50 paisa meant at least 10 toffees ...
When left over pages of the last years notebooks were used for rough work or even fair work .
When 'chelpark' and 'natraaj' were encouraged against 'reynolds and family' ..
When the first rain meant getting drenched and playing in water and mudand making 'kaagaj ki kishtis' ...
When there were no phones to tell friends that we will be at their homes at six in the evening .
When our parents always had 15 paise blue colored 'antardesis' and 5 paise machli wale stamps at home
When we remembered tens of jokes and were not finding 'ice-cream and papa' type jokes foolish enough to stop us from laughing ..
When we were not seeing patakhes on Diwalis and gulaals on Holis as air and noise polluting or allergic agents ...the list can be endless ..on the serious note I would like to summarise with .
When we were using our hearts more than our brains, even for scientifically brainy activities like 'thinking' and 'deciding' .
When we were crying and laughing more often, more openly and more sincerily .
When we were enjoying our present more than worrying about our future.When being emotional was not synonymous to being weak .
When sharing worries and happinesses didnt mean getting vulnerable to the listener .
When blacks and whites were the favourite colors instead of greys .
When journeys also were important and not just the destinations .
When life was a passenger's sleeper giving enough time and opportunityto enjoy the sceneries from its open and transparent glass windows instead of some superfast's second ac with its curtained, closed and dark windows ...
I really miss . do u?, if u do then please send this to all your friendsand loved ones.
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